10 - 1

Ten how’s:

1. How did you get one of your scars? 

I sat on a rock and the wave swept me away.. 
no prizes for guessing where the scar is :-/ 

2. How did you celebrate your last birthday?  

The best birthday ever.. 
All 5 of us at home, after some 10 years or so :) 

3. How are you feeling at this moment? 

Bored outta my skull 

4. How did your night go last night? 

Zzzzz

5. How did you do in high school? 

Bad and hopeless wouldn't describe it enough..
All i did was to excel in sports :p

6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? 

I stole if off the line

(i know, i do sinful things)

7. How often do you see your best friend(s)? 

Not as often as i would like too :(

8. How much money did you spend last month? 

Heh heh.. I don't want to scare myself..

9. How old do you want to be when you get married? 

27?

10. How old will you be at your next birthday? 

 dondy-phaive

Nine what’s:

1. Your mother's name? 

De goddess of Wealth.. $$$

2. What did you do last weekend? 

Erm.. Okay.. wait.. i must know th answer..

Saturday, was momies birthday and Sunday spent flying in to Batam and whining the lost weekend.

3. What is the most important part of your life?  

Being happy :)

4. What would you rather be doing? 

Roaming the world, 

5. What did you last cry over?  

Being alone ;(

6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? 

Talking, only when im ready too that is..

7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?  

I have all i want in him :)

8. What are you worried about? 

Stuff i cannot describe in words o-0

9. What did you have for breakfast? 

Mie rebus, Batam special

Eight Have you-s:

1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?  

Nope,

2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? 

3rd degree heart fracture ;)

3. Have you ever been out of the country? 

I AM out of the country now.. sigh 

4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? 

There isn't a day when I don't

5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?  

Cant remember, if i have been.

6. Have you ever had sex on the beach?  

The ones they serve in bars yea :p

7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you?  

LOL!! :P

8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? 

Ive read 2 books in a day :)

(give me books and i wont bug you, ever) 

Seven who’s:

1. Who was the last person you saw? 

Erm.. Ibu Ida

2. Who was the last person you texted? 

errrrm.. okay.. errrrm.. i cant remember, will need to check the phone but im too lazy, so its okay

3. Who was the last person you hung out with?

Lifeless.. With my colleague :'(

4. Who was the last person to call you? 

Bii

5. Who did you last hug?  

Mommy :) at the airport

6. Who is the last person who texted you? 

Thiru :) a thank you and more nonsense just cuz it was his birthday! :p

7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?  

Bii

Six where’s:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live?

Bangalore, Pune, Klang

2. Where did you last go?  

To my Batam room, 

3. Where did you last hang out?  

Lifeless again. Endah Parade

4. Where do you go to school?  

SMK Sri Andalas :)

5. Where is your favorite place to be?  

Home and Bangalore :)

6. Where did you sleep last night?  

Batam Bed

Five do’s:

1. Do you think anyone likes you? 

Just try and resist!

2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? 

I am everything that one can possibly want to be!

(i'm extra vain today, i know) 

3. Do you know the muffin man?  

I know my Muffin ;)

4. Does the future scare you?  

I cant waaait for the next 2-3 years to roll pass.. 
I NEED to know a certain vital information!!!

 

5. Do your parents know about your blog?

Nope..

Four why’s:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend?  

2 of them actually. We united against a 'force' we hated :P

2. Why did you get into Blogging?  

Jobless and heartbroken..Deadly combination.. hee hee

3. Why did your parents give you the name you have?  

My parents didn't name me.

4. Why are you doing this survey? '

Because i have nothing else to do  

(i have managed to dupe myself into believing so)

Three if’s:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be?  

Teleportation!

2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

I wouldnt want to screw up the image time machines have.. 

I may end up screwing up further and need another time machine to change it and th cycle will go one :p

3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? 

A speed-boat with a full tank. I wouldn't be stranded anymore then :D

Two would-you-ever’s:

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?

I did..

2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?  

Yes.

One last question:

1. Are you happy with your life right now?  

Yes, but i could be happier

(Im human after-all)

Silence

I stand by th window,
Watching life pass by,
In silence

I look out,
Searching for me,
In th crowd,

But all I see,
is my reflection,
On the window

I look out,
This time blank,
I don't search

This time,
I see a man,
And his child

I see love,
In its purest form,
Between them

I think,
of the man in my life,
Of me,
Of us.

I fear,
My child wouldn't have,
A dad like him

I fear,
I wouldn't have,
A husband like him

I fear,
I have a lover like him

Who is capable,
of making me feel,
A myriad of emotions.

All in silence.
The very silence I love to hate,
And hate to love

:-/

I know i shouldnt have.
Right from the very start

Now,
Im left with
Unease,
Unrest,

Jealousy,
Hatred

And im Unsure

joy #3

Phew..

The new year has been crazy busy and some where around the corner, it nagged me, that ive stopped writing.
And that i haven't really stopped to look for the silver lining I promised myself I'd look for, everyday.

Listening to a chirp on the radio today morning, about emotional health put me on a trail of thoughts.

We are conditioned since young to not feel our emotions. To bury the emotions deep down inside, in order for us to carry on unperturbed in life. up to a certain point, it is important and imperative that we bury them deep inside and put a tomb-stone firm over it. Because otherwise, the amount of thought process that goes into it becomes a burden

But the emotional energy that goes into burying these feelings never go away, the just lay around. Whenever we bury or suppress what we feel, we are merely adding to our set of emotional baggage. Simply because dealing with the emotions require us to acknowledge the presence of our emotions. That is what we all fear.

Fear, seems to be a very interesting term and something I've been pondering about for sometime.

We cannot live without the fear. For without fear, life looses its zest. Fear supplies adrenalin (you may say its th other way around), fear makes up behave the way we behave, fear in simple words actually make who we are, Us.

Fear can be easily broken down to 4 basic, Fears. And no they do not include fear of spiders or heights as in contrary belief. The very basic significant four are

1. fear of loss

2. fear of rejection

3. fear of feeling vulnerable

4. fear of feeling the full force of our emotion

Its these fears that drive us human beings and any other fear is merely the derivative of the above mentioned.

The fear of feeling the full force of our emotions are more often than not the major fear everyone has. We deny ourselves from feeling what we feel. Its more of a defense mechanism rather than refusal to acknowledge. We have conditioned our minds to not get too close or in depth with an issue so as to avoid emotional pain or scars when the issue takes a wrong turn.

We make our selves believe that if we ignore the emotion long enough or bury it, it will dissappear.
Its far and very far away from the truth.

Simply because the term energy, comes from the word' Energy in motion'.

The first law of Thermodynamics says '

'Energy can be neither created nor destroyed. It can only change forms

In any process in an isolated system, the total energy remains the same'

We need to find an outlet for all this energy, for if otherwise they just build up in our system, till we get tired of it and eventually fall sick.

for example, if we have an issue at work place, we tend to generally shut up about it. Or, have a chat around the water cooler, with a colleague.

Having a chat is good, you may say, because we are expressing ourselves and feeling what we feel exactly. But that doesnt tend to diffuse the emotion. The one thing we need to do? To talk it out to the concerned person. But there kicks in fear again. Because we dont like confrontations, or conflicts or rejection or depreciation.

 And it comes back to those fears! for example if i tell my boss off, it way lead to conflicts and rejection and that leads to Fear of Rejection, and i fear i might be rejected! so its only reasonable for me to want to bury it deep down , but risk lugging a huge baggage.

But, emotions are feedbacks. They let us know what we are feeling  and if we ignore the feelings, we are ignoring a very significant part of our lives.

What can we do to address the situation then?

Journalism! That seems to come easy to most people. Where you sit down everyday, at the end of the day and reflect and pour out your emotions. Anything and everything that bothers you. You're taking the first and most crucial step of addressing and acknowledging the existence of the problem. And instead of ignoring the problem, you're reflecting over it.

But if that isnt enough, you'll need to somehow find an avenue to express your feelings to the person concerned. Because, they are your emotions and they are making you feel a certain way, in a way that you're feeling. Of which the society has taught us well enough, to find somebody else to blame. we can get all gung ho about yelling at the person and express ourselves to people, as if they are responsible for what we are feeling . But, technically  no one can make us feel the way we do, unless we give them permission to.

In some cases, having a mature honest exchange with an individual on how you choose to behave on their behaviour works. Because sometimes, people violate their boundaries on us. but if we dont let them know, why would they change? Because they dont realise they are trampling on other peoples boundaries!

Thats exactly what we need to understand. How to express our emotions and feelings in a matured, grown up manner. We need to understand that it is healthy to express our feelings!

And if i could inspire anyone to apply this in their daily life (includes me) i'd be honored!

For I, need to first, start recognizing and allow my emotions to take over me! To understand that it is OK to be vulnerable.

The moment I manage to do so (in personal life), i'll write a huge blog about it.

Till then, cheers!

joy #2 :-)

* diskoooom*


I've had a long long long long day.. It started smack at 6am nd had started working just about then. Right up to 8pm. Coming to think of it, I wouldn't have felt this exhausted if I had to sub culture algae, or fumigate the entire laboratory, or extract lipid from th darned lil creatures or even murder all my algae's. Instead I had meetings to discuss algae, nd algae management.

*Groaaaan*

I had the impression I was a people person until I met 'em algaes. Such darlings that they are. Give them nitrate, phosphate, potassium, water source, a little bit of human excrete ( co2 I mean) and they will be the happiest little things every on th surface of earth. How not to love em?

But no, I've got to hire people to look after my algae ( which in turn looks after us - I'll be doing free marketing for my company if I continued on this). These people whom I've hired need to be taken care of again in turn. We start off with backlog issues, graph charts, data interpretation, process flow, data calculations, good lab practices, standard operating procedures, and it went on until we decided algaes aren't the only ones who needed to eat.

And it was 8 by then :s

More than hunger, (both my stomach and head) I was thinking of my joy for the day. Wrecking my head if I had any.

I managed to tell my boss I was starting my MSc program ( I was very very worried on how I'd break th news to him, bordering obsession, but, on th contrary he was very happy I finally decided to continue studying!) I did feel a lot relieved but, not joy.

The company general manager bribed me with my favourite yoghurt ice cream (J.co's makes the besssst )but then again, no huge joy.

I found my joy much later, in the hotel room ( Swiss Inn 703, Batam :p)
Joy #2 ? Standing under a heavy hot water shower (and by hot, its real hot) for 5 minutes, without doing anything else. Just standing there. 5 minutes into it, i ended up feeling much lighter like as though the hot water has removed all my burden.

Nothing beats a hot water shower after a long day! And its one of the reasons I love Batam!

;)